Something that I’ve always enjoyed is having deep talks late at night. It’s one of those things you’re deeply fond of, but you don’t really know why. I guess that it is because there’s this essence of honesty and tiredness and a middle ground between reality and dreams that let these talks be as deep as they usually are. I would like to consider myself as a person of deep reflections and random thoughts, and for people like me, this type of reflections and thoughts (not necessarily do they have to be talks) can be very refreshing and even cathartic.
I think it is a little bit ironic though, because I’ve grown to be a person that likes to rest and often goes to sleep at earlier hours than my peers. How am I supposed to have these talks when I don’t even let them happen?
Today I messed up my POL. I made small mistakes, and because I had put so much pressure on myself to give a perfect delivery of my presentation, I started making a big deal out of these mistakes. At one point, I was suffering on stage. I could have just played along and improvised, but I made a bigger deal out of it and I kept beating myself for some silly mistakes.
This is ironic as well. How am I supposed to give a perfect delivery, if I keep making a big deal out of silly mistakes? How am I supposed to have these deep late night talks if I keep sleeping early?
I’m not sure where this pressure of making the delivery perfect came from. I guess it was a pile up of everything, the obsession with grades, the desire to improve from last semester, the need to impress my parents or to just meet the expectations that I was (or wanted to be) one of the best in class and I had, by obligation, to give one of the best POL’s. Whatever it was, it crushed me, and it makes me so sad to know that I let stupid mistakes ruin the delivery of what I though was going to be a great presentation, its sad that I keep sleeping early, when I want to have these deep midnight thoughts.
I think it is a little bit ironic though, because I’ve grown to be a person that likes to rest and often goes to sleep at earlier hours than my peers. How am I supposed to have these talks when I don’t even let them happen?
Today I messed up my POL. I made small mistakes, and because I had put so much pressure on myself to give a perfect delivery of my presentation, I started making a big deal out of these mistakes. At one point, I was suffering on stage. I could have just played along and improvised, but I made a bigger deal out of it and I kept beating myself for some silly mistakes.
This is ironic as well. How am I supposed to give a perfect delivery, if I keep making a big deal out of silly mistakes? How am I supposed to have these deep late night talks if I keep sleeping early?
I’m not sure where this pressure of making the delivery perfect came from. I guess it was a pile up of everything, the obsession with grades, the desire to improve from last semester, the need to impress my parents or to just meet the expectations that I was (or wanted to be) one of the best in class and I had, by obligation, to give one of the best POL’s. Whatever it was, it crushed me, and it makes me so sad to know that I let stupid mistakes ruin the delivery of what I though was going to be a great presentation, its sad that I keep sleeping early, when I want to have these deep midnight thoughts.