Today, in the absolute boredom of a weekend morning and the begging of my order-freak self I decided that I would rearrange the shelves and drawers of my room and discard everything that needed to be discarded. Placing every movable object on the floor I stood awestruck; my whole 16 years had been compiled in the drawers and shelves of my room and I never noticed them. I was about to throw away every object that held pieces of my past. I looked at the white spaces and empty shelves, waiting to be filled with my future.
I doubted.
I had to options; to place everything where it was before and continue to watch the shelves and drawers getting more and more packed or to clean everything, leave some white spaces and wait for the future to pass through my room. I decided to start fresh. Never did I realise that such a great quantity of things could shape my life.
I sat in my desk chair seeing every bit of white space and every book, case and pens isolated. Every component of my room seemed empty and isolated; even after putting everything that I decided to keep back on a new place. Everything was ready to be part of whatever came after with me.
Us, humans, use objects to define us, to replace feelings and people. We burry so much trust and dependance on every object we own that we do not let people touch us. We stop being human and start being just another object. The fact that every single item that was laying in my bedroom floor before I dispensed them stayed with me for 16 years must mean that all of them meant something important to me at some point.
Thats when I stood up and was able to know what I was feeling. I was exhausted. Exhausted of depending on objects, of letting them define who I am. Two days ago, we were discussing grades in class. I had this same feeling. I was exhausted of letting a number define me and I started to let myself define that number we give so much importance to. I want to start defining what I have in life and who I am without objects or numbers, but with myself and my own mind.
I doubted.
I had to options; to place everything where it was before and continue to watch the shelves and drawers getting more and more packed or to clean everything, leave some white spaces and wait for the future to pass through my room. I decided to start fresh. Never did I realise that such a great quantity of things could shape my life.
I sat in my desk chair seeing every bit of white space and every book, case and pens isolated. Every component of my room seemed empty and isolated; even after putting everything that I decided to keep back on a new place. Everything was ready to be part of whatever came after with me.
Us, humans, use objects to define us, to replace feelings and people. We burry so much trust and dependance on every object we own that we do not let people touch us. We stop being human and start being just another object. The fact that every single item that was laying in my bedroom floor before I dispensed them stayed with me for 16 years must mean that all of them meant something important to me at some point.
Thats when I stood up and was able to know what I was feeling. I was exhausted. Exhausted of depending on objects, of letting them define who I am. Two days ago, we were discussing grades in class. I had this same feeling. I was exhausted of letting a number define me and I started to let myself define that number we give so much importance to. I want to start defining what I have in life and who I am without objects or numbers, but with myself and my own mind.