I think it is a little bit ironic though, because I’ve grown to be a person that likes to rest and often goes to sleep at earlier hours than my peers. How am I supposed to have these talks when I don’t even let them happen?
Today I messed up my POL. I made small mistakes, and because I had put so much pressure on myself to give a perfect delivery of my presentation, I started making a big deal out of these mistakes. At one point, I was suffering on stage. I could have just played along and improvised, but I made a bigger deal out of it and I kept beating myself for some silly mistakes.
This is ironic as well. How am I supposed to give a perfect delivery, if I keep making a big deal out of silly mistakes? How am I supposed to have these deep late night talks if I keep sleeping early?
I’m not sure where this pressure of making the delivery perfect came from. I guess it was a pile up of everything, the obsession with grades, the desire to improve from last semester, the need to impress my parents or to just meet the expectations that I was (or wanted to be) one of the best in class and I had, by obligation, to give one of the best POL’s. Whatever it was, it crushed me, and it makes me so sad to know that I let stupid mistakes ruin the delivery of what I though was going to be a great presentation, its sad that I keep sleeping early, when I want to have these deep midnight thoughts.