This week I finished discussing The Things They Carried with Mr. Topf and when we said goodbye at the end of the day, I felt this awkward feeling. In the car ride home, where lots of my deeper and more abstract thoughts come to my mind, I thought about this feeling as well as the book. Is it the fear of missing out that kept triggering this feeling of doubt and accomplishment? I doubt it, I think that’s just the start. Its the fear of missing out the emotional attachment and other people’s interpretation, it is, after all, the fear of looking at the book only through my own eyes. I very rarely discuss a book because of more trivial reasons than expected, but when I do, I really enjoy it. I get a glimpse of other point of views, of other perspectives and of other interpretations.
Sometimes, I get to share my own ideas, which to me, sound as the most superficial and obvious of all. It really surprised me how some of my thoughts and interpretations were new to an english teacher that had read and taught this book repeatedly throughout the years. I started to realise that the way I experienced a book was no less and no more interesting than that of my peers or mentors, it was just different. Suddenly, this feeling of fear, worry and doubt were gone.
I’m a person that likes to have everything controlled and perfect. I’m starting to lose that. Having—or wanting to have—many things under your control is very stressful and in the long run, bad for your mind (especially if you want everything to be perfect). I’m starting to realise that it is okay to make mistakes and to fail a few times, its okay to have flaws. All my life I have wanted to formulate the perfect life plan, a perfect path to follow, and I’m glad that now, during my young years, I realise that the perfect path isn't after all a path, it's just a simple three-step guide: 1) Be confident about yourself 2) It’s okay to let feelings guide your decisions and 3) Let yourself live and immerse in the moment.